Wanted: Allies. (who are yours?)

December 7, 2010 By 9 Comments

Today, I am going to mix things up a bit.

I’ve been mentioning Allies quite a bit in my more recent posts – mostly talking about how important they are when embarking on the Adventure of Self-Care.

Today, I want to share with you a few of my Allies – the people and practices that nourish and support me when life is calm and that bring me back to myself and make my path easier when things are difficult and overwhelming.

My In-Real-Life Allies:

The people I turn to when a) my own internal resources and practices aren’t enough and b) I’m finally willing to not have to do (and face) everything alone.

I tend to very easily get caught up in the idea that ‘I have to do it all by myself, all the time.’

Making it a conscious practice to ask for help, and allowing other to support me, has been one of the most rewarding and nourishing (and challenging) things I’ve ever done.

I’ve always been skeptical of people who identify as psychic. And yet, one of my primary Allies is psychic. Sarah Lambert‘s gift is one that allows her to speak to the truth at the heart of whatever my issue may be.

Generally, she isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know – on some level at least. More, it’s how she is able to legitimize what I’m feeling and to put into words (with extreme kindness and compassion) the deeper need. She’s lovely and I recommend her readings without reservation.

Emily Sapp, my designer, without whom this website would not exist.

Emily started out as an Ally for my business and very quickly became a personal Ally as well. I adore her for her ability to listen, her innately generous and caring nature, and her extreme skill as a designer. I simply cannot say enough good about this woman. If you ever have the pleasure of meeting her or working with her, you’ll know what I mean.

I am part of the most awesome Mastermind Group in the world. How I became fortunate enough to be a part of this group of 5 distinctly thoughtful, kind, hilarious, and uniquely talented women, I’ll never know. I do know that I feel so blessed to be a part of this group.

The naturalists and volunteer naturalists of Oregon Metro rock. They rock.

You can’t find a more interesting, caring, passionate, nature-loving and nature-protecting (through education and restoration) group of people. If you live in the Portland Metro area, click here to check out all the ways you can engage with this organization.

My wise friend, who is also one of my Ortho-Bionomy mentors. Uma Malcolm has shepherded me through more transitions and hard, scary things than I can even name.

Interesting. I just noticed how each of these people/groups are Allies both for me personally and for my business. Nice!

Now, a few of my personal practices that cultivate my internal Allies:

  • Xinyi Liu He Quan – my relatively unknown internal martial arts practice that helps me connect with my body and ushers in all kinds of new awareness and understandings about how I move and relate to the space within me and around me. (Whew. Super long sentence!)
  • 750words.com – my favorite online daily journal – where you can earn badges, like a turquoise horse!
  • Walking.
  • Interacting with specific qualities - like trust, play, ease, etc.
  • Spending as much quiet time as possible in nature – either alone or with my boyfriend.
  • Talking with trees (and squirrels, and birds).
  • Owl Eyes (of course). Actually, Owl Eyes forms the foundation for nearly all my other practices.

And, also, Shiva Nata:

The brilliant, brain scrambling, pattern busting practice I discovered through the equally brilliant Havi Brooks (yet another both personal and business Ally).

Through this practice, I’ve been introduced to even more amazing people both online and in real life.

People like Elizabeth Halt. And Andrew Lightheart. Two people whose blogs always serve to bring me back to myself and help me feel more connected and whole.

And, or course, a whole amazing assortment of incredibly diverse, interesting and hilarious people on Twitter.

Finally…

To all of you who read my posts and share space with me here, thank you! I count each one of you as an Ally as well and I am so grateful you are here.

Comment Magic:

Who (or what) are your Allies – the people, practices, etc that support you? I’d love to hear about them in the comments. Feel free to include links, if applicable. :)

9 Comments Filed Under: Revealing More, Concealing Less, Right Relationship, Shiva Nata

On Feeling Alone – Together

November 23, 2010 By 17 Comments

Lately, I’ve been feeling intensely alone. Not lonely. I very seldom feel lonely.

Here’s how I distinguish between the two:

Loneliness is that desire to be with other people when you are by yourself. That feeling you get when you really want others (or one particular other) near you.

Alone is something deeper. You can be surrounded by people, even people who love you (and who you love and want to be with) and still feel alone.

It is this ache deep in the heart that questions ‘Do I belong?’.

It is this fear (that verges on undeniable knowing) that you really are all alone in the world.

And in creeps alone-ness.

The other night I was all snuggled up with my boyfriend when this feeling of alone-ness crept in. I knew he loved me. I could feel his love for me.

And yet, that lonely ache wouldn’t ease. I snuggled closer. I engaged him verbally – anything to convince myself that I wasn’t alone; that I was loved and safe. It didn’t work. The ache remained.

Everything externally was in place. I was safe, warm and loved. There was nothing external to warrant this sense of alone-ness. And yet, there it was.

It’s pretty normal, I think, to try to ease this ache.

How?

Well, for myself, I might ask for more attention and reassurances than usual from my boyfriend.

If feeling really insecure (and simultaneously out of touch with the underlying sensation of alone-ness), I might even demand to know that I am loved and wanted – which doesn’t work by the way.

There’s nothing like desperately demanding love or attention to totally make another person want nothing to do with you!

There are other ways as well.

Perhaps through being around people even more.

Or through alcohol or eating more than usual or shopping or allowing the busy-ness of the holidays to just keep you go, go, going.

(Being super busy is a great way to distract oneself from uncomfortable feelings.)

I don’t have a quick fix for this sense of alone-ness.

It’s something that I think is, at times anyway, part of all of us – this uneasy sense that on some level we don’t belong.

Or, that we will always be alone in the world, whether or not we are partnered. Whether or not we are surrounded by a loving, connected family.

With the holidays essentially here (!), I think there’s a good chance that this alone-ness may be even more accentuated for many of us. It seems that many (myself included) experience intensified feelings of isolation and alone-ness at this time of year.

There are some things we can try to make it easier.

I find just naming what is going on to be very helpful. Here I am, surrounded by people and yet, I feel so very alone.

Also, spending intentional quiet time alone – exaggerating and allowing the alone-ness vs trying to buffer it by being around people constantly.

Going into Owl Eyes (wide-angle vision) and tuning into the physical sensations (the ache itself) of alone-ness. Allowing the ache to just be there and using Owl Eyes to help find some space around it.

Or, perhaps writing a letter to the part of you that feels so alone – using sweet words to remind that part of you that the rest of you is there wanting to listen and offering love and support.

For myself, when this sense of aloneness is particularly strong…

… and after I’ve realized that this sense of alone-ness is what is fueling an intense insecurity and a desire to control things and to know (through some external means) that I am safe and loved…

Then… I practice feeling that ache, allowing it to be there, and I whisper my fears and insecurities (in private, most often, or to a tree or something else that won’t judge me).

I say out loud how alone I feel and I ask for help:

  • For help just being in the mystery that is life.
  • For help trusting that it is possible for love and safety to exist for me – both within and without.
  • For help in meeting the ache with compassion and kindness.
  • And, for help forgiving myself… for the times when I am unable and instead demand safety and love from others a in a vain attempt to ease this ache, this alone-ness.

For you, today:

I’m offering my story in the hopes that if you experience anything similar, especially now at the holidays, you will know you are not alone.

It’s not just you feeling this ache and this sense of not belonging.

I guess what I’m saying is this:

Perhaps we all feel alone – together.

I’m so grateful this Thanksgiving week (here in the States) to be here. With you.

Comment Magic:

As always, your thoughts, comments and stories are welcome.

17 Comments Filed Under: Listening to Our Bodies, Revealing More, Concealing Less, Self-Care

Holiday Madness Without; Ease and Wellbeing Within

November 8, 2010 By 4 Comments

(It is possible.)

We’re entering Holiday Madness. The external signs (the music, sales, signs, advertisements…) are already obvious.

The internal signs… perhaps not yet quite so obvious. We’re still on the edge of the holidays, after all, not right in the middle of them.

Internal signs?

Yes. That sense of impending doom, of stress and overwhelm descending, of just that much extra added to an already full schedule.

Sure, there may be a sense of excitement as well. I mean, the holidays aren’t just about stress and obligation and tons of Fattening Food and Forced Family Fun, right?

I know I’m excited to be able to visit my family in Kansas this Christmas. I’m really looking forward to spending time with my siblings, my nieces, my parents and extended relatives. I can’t wait to just hang out with them, to be goofy and play silly games and make fun of each other.

And, I already feel this intense pressure to be buying gifts or making presents, sending cards, supporting friends and colleagues, figuring out which holiday parties I’m going to attend… the list is endless.

My clients are starting to feel and mention the extra stress already as well.

One client described looking at her schedule and feeling completely overwhelmed and panicked by how little space there was.

No space or time for her to do the things that were meaningful to her. Just work, work, and more work but with the additional stress of a week-long family trip that felt more like an obligation or an inconvenience versus a relaxing, restful vacation. And that’s just her November!

Let’s take a step back and take a second look at the external signs.

The festive music, the bright advertisements, the cheery colors and the sparkling lights. All meant to evoke certain feelings (or qualities) within us, right?

The holiday qualities of joy, celebration, peace, wonder, connection with others, love…

It is so easy to buy into the idea (that’s what we are told to do – buy, buy, buy) that buying gifts, eating special treats, going to parties, etc will somehow magically transport us into that place of holiday cheer.

So often, it doesn’t.

My question is:

If the holidays are all about joy, peace, celebration, etc, why is our internal experience often so different?

Speaking for myself, it is this time of year when I’m most likely to feel super cynical, jaded, alone, pressured, overwhelmed, bitter and resentful.

I’d much prefer to feel connected, peaceful, joyful, and loving. Not just now, actually, but throughout the entire year.

The holidays, however, tend to cause me to swing further from those qualities versus closer. And, I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has this experience.

So, how can we access more of the qualities that would allow the holidays to truly be a time of connection, wonder, joy and peace?

I have a couple of ideas. :)

Choose a quality you want to experience more of over the next couple of months – the Holidays. Da-da-da-doom. I’m choosing Ease… because ease makes everything easier.

Now, let’s work from the viewpoint that qualities are magical things that are readily available to us in any situation, at any time.

And, that although external things (like music, sparkling lights, etc) can evoke certain qualities or feelings within us, whatever we feel is actually ours. Our feeling. Our response.

Now, we have options, just to name a few:

  1. We can simply pay attention and notice when we do feel our particular quality. For instance, I often feel Ease when I am with my clients.
  2. We can consciously interact with things that represent our chosen quality. For me, flowing water evokes the sensation of ease so perhaps I can spend some time beside a creek or watching a fountain.

    Or, we can be more active in our interaction – perhaps through music or artwork of some kind or through collaging using images that remind us of our quality.
  3. We can spend time in meditation and ask to connect with and experience our quality (or qualities – there is no need to limit ourselves to one!). What sensations do you experience in your body when you connect with your quality? Where are they?

Through conscious interaction with our desired qualities, we truly can experience a holiday season that is filled with less madness (overwhelm, obligation, stress) and more ease and wellbeing.

Want to take this concept deeper; to really *get it* in your body?

Learning how to access and connect with the qualities you want more of in your life is one of the most important self-care skills you can have. Join me for a one-day Taking the Madness out of the Holidays workshop here in Portland on Dec 12th.

You will learn how to identify the qualities you need more of in your life. And, you will learn and practice a variety of fun, simple, practical ways to connect with and work with the qualities directly.

And, of course, there will also be Crazy Monkey Dancing (Shiva Nata), a lot of laughter, and tons of new connections and other awesomeness to help this holiday season be the best ever.

Click here for details.

Comment Magic:

Your stories, thoughts and comments are adored and appreciated. As are hellos. :)

4 Comments Filed Under: Listening to Our Bodies, Self-Care, Shiva Nata

The Dark Side of Self-Care

October 26, 2010 By 12 Comments

Most people agree that self-care is pretty important, right?

Also, most people agree (at least in theory) that they are more efficient, kind, effective, and loving when they are regularly doing the things that nourish and support them.

Right?

Ok, then.

What’s stopping us from making self-care our number one priority?

I have an answer. You may not like it. Here it is:

Self-Care is scary.

Whenever we set about learning something new, things come up. Perhaps excitement.  Maybe anxiety. Perhaps both?

That is normal. And, to be expected.

When beginning to learn about what we need in order to feel more connected and whole… well, multiply those emotions by a million and then add in all sorts of other craziness.

Welcome to the Dark Side

The way I approach self-care with my students, clients and with myself, involves slowing down, getting mindful and really learning how to tune in and listen to your body.

When you begin to do this, unexpected things happen. Things that have been avoided, repressed or ignored begin to come forward, demanding time, love and attention.

The type of things that come forward depends on who you are, how you live your life and, of course, your particular patterns.

For instance, if you are a super busy person who just pushes through the day and doesn’t pay any attention to your body, physical pain may be what shows up first.

Four or five years ago…

I was pretty in touch with my physical body. Pretty good at listening to it and taking appropriate self-care measures when, for instance, my low back was tight or my knees were hurting.

I didn’t try to push through the pain. I met and interacted with the pain using any of the awesome Ortho-Bionomy self-care techniques I had at my fingertips.

However, I was absolutely not in touch with my emotions. I was the expert of all experts at repressing my emotions and appearing gracious, calm and stoic no matter my actual internal state.

Simultaneously, I was committed to self-care and one day, some dam deep inside me broke and all the emotions I’d been repressing made themselves known to me… all at the same time.

Unfortunately, back then, I didn’t have the skills or tools to meet that type of pain (I do now) and I was completely overwhelmed. For two years.

So, yes, physical pain, repressed emotions, old memories, etc can all begin to surface.

Therefore…

In my Self-Care Madness class, I compare self-care to going on an adventure. An adventure into ourselves. Now, before you roll your eyes and click away, hear me out.

Self-Care as an Adventure???

Yes. When we commit to doing any thing self-care related, especially some on-going course or practice, we embark on an adventure.

We don’t really know what we are going to encounter.

We have this sense of what we may like to get out of our adventure – perhaps things like a deeper connection with ourselves or a new understanding of ourselves and what’s important to us.

Perhaps a re-framing of our priorities. Hopefully, more of a sense of balance and stability in our lives.

All great things. Yes?

While it is perfectly normal (and expected really) to just think about all the rewards of a deeper self-care practice, we often totally overlook the danger and risk involved.

Thus the Adventure.

For you see, all proper adventures contain certain elements. The elements of fun, excitement, surprise, the allure of something desirable to be gained… all that, yes.

And also, the elements of risk. And danger.

The possibility of cold, dark nights and moments of terror and aloneness. The possibility of failure and things ending up worse than before you began.

It’s quite normal and natural that we don’t think about these elements. Or, if they do cross our minds, that we don’t think about them too deeply.

Otherwise, why would we even begin? It’s much easier and more fun to think about self-care in terms of nourishment, happiness, spas and tropical island vacations.

Self-care, however, really *is* more akin to going on an Adventure. An Adventure with an unknown outcome.

There are moments of great reward – moments when we are blessed with insights into ourselves and a sense of deep connection, flow, ease and balance.

And, there are moments of overwhelm, terror and pain.

The importance of Allies…

Any great adventurer has Allies – people, things, resources, to aid them on their quest.

Think of Harry Potter, for instance. He has Ron and Hermione, his magic wand and his invisibility cloak as Allies, just to name a few.

Without Allies, when we hit the dangerous part of our self-care adventure, we truly are alone. We’ll likely survive, but at what cost?

With Allies, the dangerous, scary parts of the adventure can serve to connect us deeper to ourselves and reveal both:

  1. what’s missing in our lives and
  2. what’s truly important to us.

Who or what are you Allies?

In our workshop, I teach specific skills (techniques) as well as create a space where it is safe to explore and discover personal Allies.

For you, if helpful, make a list of people or techniques you can turn to when you are in one of the dark and dangerous parts of your self-care adventure.

The Other Side of Dark.

So, if self-care is so fraught with potential danger and pain, what’s the point?

Basically, committing to self-care acts as a magic wand that illuminates all the dark, scary parts in us that we’ve been avoiding. The parts of us that keep us in patterns of stress, tension and disconnection from ourselves and others.

Embarking on the Adventure of Self-Care, while it can be dangerous and painful, also brings us closer to ourselves. Every time we meet the pain and the terror with our love and attention, we grow more whole.

And, ultimately, our initial desires of being more connected, more loving, kind, and effective actually are realized.

Hallelujah.

Comment Magic:

You’re thoughts, stories, comments are adored and appreciated. As are hellos. :)

12 Comments Filed Under: Listening to Our Bodies, Self-Care

One Year

October 12, 2010 By 20 Comments

Today marks one year.

One year since my website went live. One year since I committed to writing a newsletter and posting it here twice a month.

One year since I began to shed my invisibility cloak and to let people know that I exist. That I have a business, and mad skills, and a mission to help people connect deeply with themselves for the betterment of all mankind.

Or, preferably, some waaay less cheesy version of that. :)

Today, I want to somehow mark this occasion. It *is* an occasion of note.

One year.

The problem is, I don’t know how.

I’m really good at noticing all that still needs to be done, all the things I still want to do, to write about, to share, to teach and all the things I didn’t finish over this past year. These things I’m very good at.

I’m not so good at celebrating what actually *has* been accomplished.

In truth, just the word ‘celebrate’ freaks me out.

In truth, I really don’t want to write about this. I don’t want to mark this passage of time. I don’t want to celebrate. I don’t want to ask you to celebrate with me.

And yet, there is something here. Something that is asking to be acknowledged.

I know this because every time I sit down to write, this is all there is.

All the ideas, thoughts, and stories I want to share with you are gone. This is all that remains.

If I can’t celebrate, perhaps I can acknowledge:

  • I acknowledge that it has been one year since my website went live.
  • One year since I committed to posting and sending out a newsletter twice a month.
  • One year since I announced my (mostly lurking) presence on twitter.
  • One year since I began making connections with people around the world and reaching out beyond the comfortable circle of my friends here in Portland.

I acknowledge it has been two years…

  • Two years since leaving the wellness center where I’d been letting them talk about me and my business for me.
  • Two years since deciding I wanted to build my business my way, without the backing of a center.
  • Two years since having a total breakdown and quitting my work for a year. Because the very thought of having to talk about what I did made me want to throw up. Oh, I still loved what I did. But, the telling people about it – impossible.
  • Two years since taking that one year off to begin to untangle my relationship with the business side of my work.

And…

  • 1 year since re-launching my business and occasionally even feeling excited talking about it.
  • 7 months since launching Owl Eyes – my beloved e-course.
  • 4.5 months since joining the most awesome Mastermind Group in the world.
  • 3 weeks since announcing my first live workshop series.
  • 2 days since the first session of that series.

Now, again… One Year.

All I want to do is hide.

This becoming more visible thing is really hard. This doing what I feel so deeply called to do is so excruciatingly uncomfortable at times and has asked me to grow in ways I never would have guessed even just one year ago.

Perhaps that’s why I don’t want to celebrate.

Because celebrating also signals reflecting.

There is so much good in this past year. There is so much hard as well.

Standing here, now, looking back over the past year, it is so obvious that great shifts have happened.

Two years ago it would have been absolutely inconceivable that I would be standing in front of people, teaching. Even one year ago, the thought would have been completely overwhelming, paralyzing, and unbelievable to me.

And yet, now, here I am.

It’s not that I didn’t have the skills to, for example, teach a class one year ago. My skills haven’t changed. They are the same I’ve been gathering and refining over the past 15 (15!) years.

Committing to the business side of my work has changed *me*.

In order to reach the people I’m now reaching in the ways I’m now reaching them, I’ve had to become the person who can teach, who can write regularly, who can share more of herself than she has ever felt comfortable sharing in the past.

These changes haven’t been easy.

Now…

…a few minutes after beginning this post, I’m realizing that maybe I don’t want to hide as much as I thought.

Maybe I do want to come out of the darkness and, if not celebrate, at least acknowledge this past year.

I’m guessing this next one will be filled with just as many agonies and delights.

And somehow, just now, that feels perfectly right.

Comment Magic:

If you’d like to acknowledge One Year with me, that’d be lovely. If not, that’s fine too. Obviously, this whole celebrating/acknowledging thing is a bit iffy for me. As always, just saying Hi is also appreciated.

20 Comments Filed Under: Revealing More, Concealing Less

Using Your Senses to Relax Your Body

September 28, 2010 By 8 Comments

I went to bed tense and grouchy the other night. Lying there, I could feel tension radiating throughout my body. My legs felt stiff and achy, my breathing constricted, my thoughts racing.

Knowing I needed to get a good night’s rest, I started going through my list of relaxation techniques, discarding each nearly as quickly as it came to mind. Tense and relax the different parts of my body? Not working. Focusing on my breath? Nope. And on and on.

Eventually I gave up and resigned myself to a sleepless night.

I decided that as long as I wasn’t sleeping, I might as well practice some of my naturalist skills.

Specifically, I decided to tune into my sense of hearing and name as many sounds as I could hear.

The quiet hum of the highway, a breeze stirring the leaves of the tree outside my open window, the steady beat of my heart…

Less than 5 minutes later, it occurred to me that my body was absolutely relaxed, my mind was calm and I was on the verge of sleep. Miracle!

Now, I *know* that engaging the senses relaxes the nervous system and thus the body.

That’s the basic premise behind Owl Eyes, after all.

Apparently, I needed a reminder. Perhaps you could use one as well?

If so, here’s a quick process to help you engage your senses and relax your body. Give yourself about 5 minutes to go through this next part. Having pen and paper handy is helpful as well. Here we go!

Sense 1: Sight.

As humans, most of us are very visually dominant. Therefore, we tend to spend a lot of time with our eyes in tunnel vision, looking at something, watching something (or someone), etc.

Glance around the room (or wherever you are) and jot down 5 things you see. Try to make them things you don’t normally notice in your surroundings.

My five things:

  1. A pair of my boyfriend’s socks, inside out and crumpled.
  2. A yellow highlighter
  3. The beautiful pillows a friend made for me.
  4. A calculator sitting on top of the computer tower.
  5. A solitary tack stuck in the wall (that’s not tacking anything). Whaa?

Now relax into your Owl Eyes (or wide-angle vision) as you engage the rest of your senses.

Sense 2: Hearing. Deer Ears!

With your gaze soft, engage your sense of hearing. If helpful, imagine your ears are like huge a deer’s. You can even cup your hands around your ears to exaggerate your sense of hearing.

What do you hear? See if you can name 3-5 sounds.

Me? I can hear the buzz of the refrigerator, traffic from the highway, a door creaking open and then slamming shut.

With hearing, it is important to remember to allow the sounds to come to you. There is no need to strain or to try to hear more. Just sit quietly and receive the sounds.

Sense 3: Smell. Bear Nose!

Bears have an amazing sense of smell. Polar bears, for example, can smell a whale carcass up to 20 miles away.

In humans, smell is often an underdeveloped sense. We can, however, improve it with practice. For now, see if you can name 1-3 scents in your immediate environment.

Right now, I can smell the mint in my tea and not much else. :(

Sense 4: Touch.

Or, as the Kamana Naturalist Training Program describes it: skin of a baby.

Imagine your skin is as soft and sensitive as a baby’s. What do you notice? How does the air feel? Is the room cool or warm? How much moisture can you feel in the air? Can you feel your clothing resting against your skin? Describe their texture.

If outside, is there a breeze? Can you feel the sun? Where is it? And so on…

Sense 5: Taste.

Ah. Another often overlooked sense. What taste is in your mouth right now?

Open your mouth and breath in some air. Is there a flavor to the air?

The next time you eat or drink something, take a moment and really notice the flavors and how they interact.

Bringing it all together. The wolf.

The wolf symbolizes this coming together of all the senses. Their eyes, ears and noses are equally utilized and equally developed.

Imagine if our sense of hearing and our sense of smell was as highly developed and utilized as our sense of sight!

That’s the power of the wolf and the power we develop as we play with consciously engaging more of our senses.

For now, sitting quietly, see how many of your senses you can engage and notice at the same time.

Perhaps it will only be one or two at first. That’s ok. Start with Owl Eyes or Deer Ears and add in your other senses over time.

Engaging our senses is the key to relaxation.

While it can be fun to just play with engaging our senses, there is also a very practical reason to make it a part of your daily life.

When we engage our senses, we are brought into the present moment.

Sounds, for instance, only happen in the present moment. We hear a sound. And then it is gone. Another sound emerges. And then disappears.

When we are listening, when our sense of hearing is fully engaged, it is impossible for us to be other than in the present moment. Add in more of the senses and this present-moment-ness increases.

For me, lying there, sleepless and tense…

My mind frantically racing, following some worry about the future or reliving something from the past, engaging my sense of hearing and naming the sounds brought me back to the present moment.

Back to where, in the moment, I was safe. Where there was nothing to do or to fix or to control.

In the present moment there was a comfortable bed beneath me, my boyfriend sleeping beside me and soft night sounds soothing me. In the present moment, all was well.

In the present moment, I fully relaxed and drifted off to sleep.

Comment Magic:

Comments, thoughts, stories? I love them! Just saying hello is lovely too.

8 Comments Filed Under: Listening to Our Bodies, Nature! Nature!, Right Relationship, Self-Care

Patterns, Patterns Everywhere: The Ortho-Bionomy – Shiva Nata Connection

September 25, 2010 By 5 Comments

Havi Brooks once described a pattern as “That thing you do that you hate.” I love that description.

And, there’s more to it. Patterns aren’t just the things you do that you hate, they are everything you do. And, everything you think and feel as well.

For instance:

  • how you crack an egg.
  • how you react when someone says or does something you perceive as wrong or threatening or mean.
  • the feeling you get when you watch a beautiful sunset.
  • how often you check your email.
  • how you take your coffee.
  • who you are attracted to – romantically and otherwise.
  • how your mind spins and spins, replaying the same conversation or thought over and over and over.

The Ortho-Bionomy connection.

Ortho-Bionomy is the foundation for all the work I do with clients – for how I live my life, actually.

It combines practical, osteopathic-based, body-centered techniques and esoteric, energetic-awareness-y, mind-blowingly-great yoga-inspired philosophy.

Simply put, the point is to get you deeply connected to you body so that you:

a) have access to all of your internal resources, healing potential, and deep wisdom; and

b) gain awareness and insight into your patterns – both the patterns of physical pain and tension in your body and the patterns in your life that aren’t effective or serving.

What I love about patterns.

1) They are everywhere! And, everything is a pattern.

2) They are mostly unconscious. Yes, I love this about them.

You don’t, for instance, think about how you crack an egg. You just crack the egg.

3) Once you become aware of a pattern, you have options. When you notice you tend to crack the egg in a particular manner, other options abound. You can play!

Perhaps you’ll drop the egg from the ceiling. Perhaps you’ll crack it on its side instead of on the end. Or, whatever… there are endless ways to crack an egg once you become aware that you usually crack it in only one way.

4) Patterns are neither good nor bad. The effects of our patterns on our lives, however, may or may not be beneficial.

Once we become aware of a particular pattern, we can decide whether or not it is a pattern that enhances our lives. If not, we can begin to play with ways to alter or shift the pattern. Like Ortho-Binomy. Or writing. Or meditation. Or…

Shiva Nata!

If Ortho-Bionomy kindled my obsession with patterns, Shiva Nata blasted it to high heaven.

What is it? In brief, it is a yoga-martial-arts-dance-ish thing that is all about patterns.

More specifically, you use your arms and legs to connect points in space in a pre-determined pattern.

Sometimes, it looks beautiful and graceful. More often, it looks like mad flailing. Or, as my boyfriend refers to it: Crazy Monkey Dancing.

I know, that probably makes no sense. That’s alright. Hang in there. It’s both simpler and harder than it sounds. ;)

First, here’s what it does:

1) Directly shows you your patterns. Whatever happens as you are Shiva-ing-it-up is a pattern. Want to give up? Pattern. Get really angry and frustrated? Pattern. Just keep trying and trying and trying? Pattern. Collapse? Pattern. Laugh hysterically? Pattern.

2) Also, Shiva Nata indirectly shows you your patterns. Through using your body to connect dots in space in a particular pattern, your brain is put through a crazy, mind-melting workout. New neurological connections are formed which means… you suddenly have access to new perspectives and insights into yourself.

In short, you now have the option to crack the egg any which way you want.

You are no longer stuck doing the same perhaps-not-so-effective thing over and over and over.

3) Gives us a way to mindfully interact with our stuff (our patterns). We are no longer victims of the whims of our patterns. We now have a concrete, physical way with which to interact with them.

Shiva Nata teaches us how to play with patterns. How to alter them at will. How to bend them, shift them, create and destroy them; how to be creative and silly (or serious and focused if our typical pattern is to be silly).

And now, my favorite thing about Shiva Nata:

Only through doing it wrong, do you get it right.

Read that sentence again, will you?

Yes, Shiva Nata is the only practice I’m aware of where the goal is to do it badly, to not perfect it, to always be at your edge. Not at your barely growing edge where you are simply polishing your mad skills, however.

Rather, you want to be waay beyond that edge… out in the abyss. Flailing madly, completely confused and loving it. Or not, that’s ok too.

You see, the insights and epiphanies are the result of your brain making new connections through your body attempting to follow these increasingly complicated patterns in space.

If you aren’t utterly confused, you aren’t challenging your brain and you won’t gain new insights into yourself and your patterns.

In which I badly paraphrase Guy Finley.

Guy Finley recently said (and I paraphrase):

“We are always doing the best we can according to whatever knowledge we currently have.

It is our responsibility to keep learning more so that our best keeps getting better (more effective, more loving, more intentional, coming from a greater sense of wholeness, etc).”

Ortho-Bionomy and Shiva Nata both give us access to new knowledge… knowledge of the most effective kind – the kind that comes from deep within us and that is perfectly suited to our particular situations and patterns.

For more Ortho-Bionomy and Shiva Nata goodness…

Visit my Events Page for a list of upcoming workshops and class series. :)

5 Comments Filed Under: Ortho-Bionomy, Shiva Nata

The Hardest Thing in the World

September 14, 2010 By 10 Comments

Two or three years ago, my boyfriend and I got into a horrible fight. The topic wasn’t new; the intensity, however, was extreme and he ended up leaving for the weekend with nothing resolved.

I was a mess. Conflict is extremely overwhelming for me. Fighting with the person I love over an issue that triggers feelings of not-enoughness, hurt, and intense insecurity – well, let’s just say, the horribleness was horrible.

I ended up spending some time over at a wise friend’s house that evening. It was there that I began to glimpse the Hardest Thing in the World.

And, no, it wasn’t fighting with my boyfriend (that’s actually pretty easy).

Here’s how the understanding unfolded:

Me: And then he said this and then I said that but then he did this and ….

Wise friend: Hmmm, ok Lara, it sounds as if he said a lot of things that hurt you.

Me: He did! And then …

Wise friend: Where do you feel that pain?

Me (in my head): What? I don’t have time for that. HE said …

Me (outloud): Um, in my chest, I guess. But, here’s what happened next …

Wise friend: Ok, yes, it sounds like an awful fight.

Me: It was!

Wise friend: I’m really interested in you, not so much in the fight. What are you feeling?

Me: Ok, well (inwardly groaning with impatience because there is soo much more to tell), I’m angry. And hurt. And, then he said this and I knew it wasn’t true and …

Wise friend: Lara, I hear that you are really hurt and that this is an ongoing fight between the two of you and that it’s very painful for you.

Me: Yes, it IS very painful! And, it’s all his fault. Wait until I tell you what happened next!

Wise friend: Again, I want to hear about you.

Me: I’m telling you about me! See, then I said this and then he said that and I couldn’t stop crying.

Wise friend: I want to know what you are feeling right now.

Me (understanding beginning to dawn in between all the stories and protests and the wanting to blame him for the pain I was feeling): Oh. Ok, there’s this gaping, aching hole in my chest and all I want to do is curl up and cry. Possibly forever.

Wise friend: That’s it, Lara. That’s what is important. That is what needs your attention and love right now, not the story.

All we can ever really know is our own reaction.

In this case, I wanted desperately to put all the focus and attention on HIM, on the things HE’d done wrong, on the ways HE had caused ME pain and suffering.

I wanted to lash out at him, to hurt him as badly as he’d hurt me.

It was the hardest thing in the world to shift my focus from him and back to myself.

Why? Because then I didn’t have the buffer of anger and blame to protect me from feeling all the pain, sadness and fear that were beneath the anger and blame.

The pain, sadness and fear that were mine.

The feelings that were, in that moment, completely overwhelming, unbearable and un-meetable on my own. (Luckily, I was in the presence of a wise, loving, understanding friend who was able to help me).

Claiming our own responses (or reactions) in any situation really *is* the Hardest Thing in the World.

It is so much easier to blame the other person or to get angry at BP (for instance) or other organizations that are threatening our environment or doing things we think are wrong or harmful.

It is very difficult to shift the focus back to ourselves especially when the issue at hand involves something or someone we deeply love or care about.

It is the Hardest Thing in the World to pry our attention and blame from the external world and to return to ourselves.

Again, anger and blame protect us. They protect us from having to feel the small, vulnerable parts of ourselves that feel so afraid and threatened.

Luckily, there are things that make it easier.

For instance, wise friends. :)

Also, things like:

  • journaling
  • using some method to inquire into the situation (I personally love The Work of Byron Katie).
  • movement! (walking, yoga, taiji, dancing…)
  • meditating
  • nature!
  • using some energetic technique to reground and center yourself – whatever you happen to have in your toolkit (EFT, Reiki, Ortho-Bionomy, for example).
  • Owl Eyes!
  • Magical Listening – listening magically to the parts of you that are in so much pain in this case.

When the pain is too overwhelming for us to meet ourselves, it is important to have external resources to call.

Who are your external resources? Who do you trust to meet you when you are unable to meet yourself?

If you want, take a moment and make a list. Your list may include wise friends, bodyworkers, energectic healers, counselors, life coaches, etc.

A word of encouragement.

While bringing your attention back to yourself and your reactions may be the hardest thing in the world, it is also the most rewarding.

Meeting these small, fragile parts of ourselves that feel so afraid and alone feels so indescribably beautiful.

It’s like being a little kid, afraid and alone in the dark. The door opens and in walks that one person with whom you feel the most safe in the entire world. The relief and joy is astonishing. The tears freely flow.

Meeting these scared, wounded parts is you returning to yourself. It is you becoming more whole and less fragmented.

It is homecoming.

Comment magic:

This is a difficult, potentially painful, subject. And, a subject that can bring up all sorts of resistance. I know it has (and still does) in me. Be gentle, please.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and/or experiences. Just saying ‘hello’ is lovely too! :)

10 Comments Filed Under: Listening to Our Bodies, Self-Care

Raccoons, Relaxation, and the Absolute Rightness of Being YOU

August 24, 2010 By 5 Comments

It’s very, very early morning. That gray, pre-dawn time as the world begins to brighten. The sun has not yet popped up over the horizon but it is obviously on its way.

I’m all snuggled up in bed, warm and cozy. Then, abruptly, all hell breaks loose.

Our backyard scrub jays begin shrieking. And shrieking and shrieking. In fact, it sounds as if they have invited all their neighborhood friends into the walnut tree directly outside my bedroom window. To shriek.

The ruckus, it was enormous.

Too sleepy to drag my protesting body out of bed to see just what the commotion was all about, I just listened until, about 10-15 minutes later, all became quiet once more.

I tumble back into sleep. Morning fully arrives, I get up and eventually I recall the ruckus and decide to investigate.

I have a good idea what I will find and indeed, curled up in a hollow of the walnut tree, a good 20 feet off the ground, is a pile of gray fluff. A raccoon!

Now, whatever you happen to think of raccoons is fine.

I happen to adore them. Actually, I happen to adore any undomesticated animal and a lot of domesticated ones as well.

Anyway, I felt so indescribably happy standing there on the roof peering up into the hollow.

Graced with the presence of urban wildlife – young urban wildlife at that. This particular raccoon was not even half grown – likely born just this past spring.

He (she?) shifted and suddenly, up briefly popped a second head. There were two!

Oh! The happiness! It compounded.

They shifted around a bit more, eyes half closed. Eventually one of them settled back into sleep with his head cradled on the edge of the hollow.

As I watched, he sank deeper into sleep. As his body became more and more relaxed, his head slid along the edge of the hollow until his neck and head were basically dangling outside the hollow.

Oblivious, he slept on.

Learn to relax like a raccoon.

I sent my dad this picture and he texted back: “New goal… learn to relax like a raccoon.”

What can a raccoon teach us about relaxing and about being ourselves?

Last summer I watched a fully-grown raccoon returning to our neighbors giant Doug Fir. The jays shrieked and dove. The raccoon, completely oblivious, continued along its raccoon path and eventually curled up somewhere in the deep recesses of the fir.

The raccoon was completely unperturbed by the rants and attacks of the jays.

*SIDENOTE: of course, the jays are attacking because raccoons are predators and do raid their nests. However, the times I’m referring to here are times when the raccoon is returning from her nightly forage to sleep, no longer in hunting mode.

Just an afternoon prior to the morning initially described, the jays had suddenly started shrieking and I went to investigate. A raccoon was nestled in the same hollow. He was awake but absolutely relaxed and ambivalent to the jays screaming above him.

He was just a raccoon doing his raccoon thing.

Which got me to thinking…

The more I am me, doing the things that are meaningful to me and living my life as closely aligned with the qualities (love, kindness, compassion…) I treasure, the less the attacks of others will affect me.

In fact, it’s likely I won’t even perceive the unkind words or actions of others (or the world in general) as a threat at all. It is just them being them. I am just me, being me.

Nature is an inescapable model for being yourself.

Nature simply can’t be other than it is. In truth, we can’t be other than we are either.

Most of us do, however, spend a ridiculous amount of energy attempting to be (or to appear) other than we are.

While the reasons for this are many and varied, the more time we spend observing nature (especially while in Owl Eyes), the more these reasons fall away.

Spending even just a couple of minutes watching a bird, a squirrel, a deer (or a beloved pet) brings us back to ourselves. That animal simply can’t be other than it is. On some level, whether consciously or not, we are reminded that we also can’t be other than we are.

This state of *being* calls out to the deepest parts of ourselves.

That part of you that simply is you. That part of me that is unshakably me.

We are reminded that we are enough, that we belong, just as we are.

Knowing these truths, we can let go of our guarding and tension. We can relax… just like the raccoon.

5 Comments Filed Under: Listening to Our Bodies, Nature! Nature!, Right Relationship

The Art of Magical Listening – a DIY Guide!

August 10, 2010 By 17 Comments

Close your eyes and listen. Name 5 sounds you hear.

Now, close your eyes again and listen a bit more closely. What is the closest sound you can hear? The sound furthest away? What is the quietest sound?

Ok, now that you are in tuned into your sense of hearing, let’s talk about listening.

The off-the-top-of-my-head stages of listening:

  1. Hearing the sound. Screech! Beep, beep, beep.
  2. Understanding the sound (prescribing meaning to the sound). The garbage truck is backing up.
  3. Hearing the sound and noticing the feeling in the sound. Look out! Danger! Alert!
  4. Hearing the sound and noticing and claiming your own response to it. For me, anxiety, frustration, tension in my stomach. Sensitive Ear Girl hates the abrupt, annoying noise.

In conversation with another person, the stages may look like this:

  1. She’s speaking. I hear words.
  2. Oh, she wants me to pick up some eggs at the store.
  3. Hmmm, she sounds stressed. Her body is tense. I wonder if she is having a hard day?
  4. Wow. As she is talking to me, I’m starting to feel stressed and tense. This tension and pressure is building in my stomach and chest.

Listening versus Magical Listening

I was in a workshop the weekend before last. We practiced this exercise that really demonstrated the power of Magical Listening.

And yes, I know I haven’t described what makes listening magical yet. I will soon. Rest assured. :)

We were in pairs. One person told a story about something difficult or challenging or painful happening in their life. The other listened.

As the listener, I watched as my partner went from being quite upset and frustrated, to being sad and depressed, to being angry and then…. to describing insight after insight into what this event meant within the full context of her life.

Epiphany after epiphany rolled out of her. Her energy went from heavy and stuck to flowing and excited. An injury that was associated with her story released a bit and she suddenly experienced more ease of movement and less pain in that part of her body.

All I did was listen.

Ok, that’s not all I did. We’re still getting to that. :)

First, have you ever been in a situation where a friend is coming to you, distraught, with some painful story?

As a listener, what did you do?

Perhaps you listened quietly. Perhaps you interrupted and offered a different perspective. Perhaps you gave some thoughtful advice.

Yes, they did feel better. They were comforted and heard – very powerful, necessary things.

What if, however, it is possible for them to *also* receive insight, resolution and transformation?

That’s the difference between listening and Magical Listening.

Listening is Stage 3 – hearing the words and paying attention to body language and the underlying emotion and feelings as someone is talking.

Magical Listening is Stage 4 – noticing what happens in you as the other is speaking.

Paying attention to yourself and your own responses while engaged with another is what makes Magical Listening possible. It creates this incredible sense of safety and connection.

It allows for the other person to feel heard and comforted, yes. It also allows them re-find their own sense of wellbeing and to receive insights about their stuff from themselves.

(How and Why this occurs is the subject for another time.)

Now, there is a bit more to it than just noticing your own reactions and responses as the other speaks. Specifically, there are 3 parts:

Notice (acknowledge)

Feel (exaggerate)

Release (re-find your own sense of wellbeing)

Let’s practice!

Through reading these words you are, in a sense, listening to me. And, you are likely experiencing some kind of response. Tune into that response.

What do you notice…

…in your thoughts?

…in your emotions?

…in the sensations in your body?

Whatever it is (calmness, boredom, anxiety, tension, tightness, expansiveness…), just notice it. Just allow it to be there.

Notice – Feel – Release

Now that you’ve noticed your own response to my words, you can acknowledge it and let yourself feel it.

For instance: hmmm, there is this pressure in my throat and tension in my stomach. I’m feeling anxious – not sure if I’m doing this right or if I can do it at all.

Often, just noticing and acknowledging your response is enough for it to let go and for you to return to a place of greater calm and wellbeing.

Other-times, it may take a bit more mindfulness to let go of whatever arises in you.

The quickest and easiest way I know to release tension is to exaggerate it, hold the exaggeration, and then let it go on its own.

For instance: I place my awareness on the pressure in my throat and use my mind to consciously increase the pressure there.

For the gripping in my stomach, I can clench my stomach a bit tighter, exaggerating that pattern of tension in my body.

With emotions, I find and exaggerate the physical sensations associated with for example, anxiety, in my body OR I can simply intensify the emotion itself.

What about that urge to help?

Or to interrupt? To offer suggestions? Or advice?

Same thing. Notice the urge, find the physical sensations associated with the urge in your body, consciously exaggerate the urge and then, let it go.

For all of the above, being in Owl Eyes helps immensely – Owl Eyes allows you to feel the feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them.

Magical Listening isn’t easy, at least not at first. It takes play and practice.

It requires listening to yourself through monitoring your emotions, your sensations, your urges, and then not acting on any of them externally.

Instead, all of the work happens inside of you. You notice your reaction, you allow yourself to fully feel it and then… you let it go.

You change yourself.

You return to your sense of wellbeing.

Through re-connecting with your wellbeing, you energetically model how to return to wellbeing for your friend.

A deep sense of safety, connection and comfort is established and your friend begins to experience increased wellbeing simply due to your Magical Listening skills. Insights, transformation and resolution of patterns becomes possible.

It feel like magic. It is magic.

Comment magic:

I love to hear your thoughts, however deep or mundane. Just saying hi works too. :)

What does this whole concept of Magical Listening spark in you? Have you ever listened in this way (or been listened to)?

17 Comments Filed Under: Listening to Our Bodies, Right Relationship, Self-Care