My Headache Story

April 13, 2011 By 18 Comments

Note: I initially shared a version of following post on my About Page. I removed it a short while later but am now feeling called to share it here.

My ongoing struggle with headaches is still really difficult for me to talk about. I hope that through sharing a bit of my story here, those of you who also experience chronic pain will feel a little less alone.

Pain and I? We go waaaay back.

Once, I tried to estimate the number of days I’ve lost to pain.

You know, truly lost, like lying in bed, incapacitated, lost.

And, the days numbered years. Thinking about that even now fills me with this sense of heaviness, frustration, dread, and sadness.

Having a headache is not ok.

Or, that’s what I believed for a very long time.

That, somehow, having headaches, especially headaches that were so totally out of my control, that left me helpless and hopeless and utterly depressed and unable to function, were somehow a reflection on my character.

That somehow, I was weak or fundamentally flawed.

So, I set out to prove otherwise.

In high school, violent nausea would overcome me in basketball practice. I would dash for the locker room, puke, pause a moment until the shaking and gasping for breath would pass and then return to practice. Never mind that I could barely see the ball or the other players.

In college, believe me, a simple migraine wasn’t going to stop me from going out with friends. If my speech was slurred, well, maybe it could be blamed on the beer.

And, class? I remember shaking and sweating, head pounding, words swimming as I took yet another exam under the influence of extreme pain.

Work followed the same pattern.

I’ve never worked a job that offered health benefits or sick-leave.

If I didn’t work, I wasn’t paid. So, I worked.

After I’d done all that I had to do for the day, then, and only then, would I return to my darkened room and allow myself to be consumed by pain and nausea.

After years of fighting, denying, and repressing the pain, something else started to happen.

All this fear and dread began to creep in.

Yeah, I would still pretend the migraine wasn’t there until it reached a point where I simply couldn’t ignore it and was forced to give in.

But, this other thing began to happen as well.

This insidious, malignant thing.

This thing that whispered thoughts of:

‘What’s the point of doing what you love, of listening to your heart, of dreaming, of even being yourself if it can all be stopped cold by a headache.

And, you will be stopped. The migraine will come.”

I believed those whispers.

So, for a few more years, I essentially stopped.

I did just enough to get by. I tried this, I tried that. Nothing really worked. The headaches continued. Time slipped by.

A change in perspective slowly emerges.

Fortunately, at some point during the ‘just getting by’ years, I discovered and began to study Ortho-Bionomy, the style of bodywork that forms the foundation for my work.

I started applying its principle of being kind and gentle with pain to myself and to my clients. (It was much easier with my clients.)

And, I started listening to my body.

I began to notice and to pay attention to the symptoms that signaled a headache was coming.

With practice, I began to notice the symptoms of a headache earlier and earlier, sometimes even before the headaches reached the point of no return.

And, sometimes, I could even do some self-care and somehow, miraculously, not get a headache.

On occasion, even, I was able to ask for help, to let another see me helpless and vulnerable…. although, honestly, I didn’t believe anyone could help me or relieve the pain.

Which brings us to today, the present.

I still get headaches. I still have days when all I can do is curl up in bed and wait for it to be over.

I still experience the day after when feelings of depression, resentment, and hopelessness replace the physical pain.

These days, however, are fewer. And, when they do occur, I am often able to just let myself have a headache without adding the additional pain of self-hatred and self-condemnation.

The biggest difference is:  I’m no longer alone.

I now have Allies, both internal and external, to turn to when the headaches descend.

Allies who often can relieve the pain when it is beyond what I can handle on my own. Allies who, if they can’t relieve the pain, can support and hold me in the pain.

And, somehow, having Allies makes all the difference in the world.

Comment Magic:

Chronic pain is rough. I just lost yesterday to a migraine and awoke today feeling utterly helpless and hopeless.

And yet, I know these feelings, like the migraine itself, will pass.

They are simply another part of the pattern.  A pattern that has already changed considerably and is continuing to shift as I learn more about how to meet myself and how to ask for help.

There is a even a part of me that feels a certain sense of gratitude for these headaches.

I wouldn’t be here, doing this work, without my history of headaches. I wouldn’t know how to meet your pain without having such intimate experience with pain myself.

So, for today, if you feel inclined to leave a comment, I’d love to hear how you meet pain (whether physical or emotional). What works for you? Who or what are your Allies?

And, as always, just your ‘hello’ is adored as well.

18 Comments Filed Under: Headaches, Listening to Our Bodies, Ortho-Bionomy, Revealing More, Concealing Less

The Art of Relaxed Suffering

February 8, 2011 By 10 Comments

It’s about 5 years ago. I’m in my Xin Yi (an internal martial art) class.

We are in the Bow and Arrow Stance which is similar to yoga’s warrior 1 pose – or a modified lunge. The majority of our weight is centered over our front foot.

We’ve been in this stance for 5-10 minutes already, testing our stability and balance with arm circles.

The quadriceps in my front leg are starting to tremble and shake, my shoulder muscles are burning, and sweat is beginning to blur my eyes.

That’s when Harry (the instructor) began talking about Relaxed Suffering.

Now, in Ortho-Bionomy, comfort is one of the fundamental principles.

When we are comfortable, we can relax.

When we are relaxed, tension releases and we are able to return to an enhanced state of wellbeing. There’s a bit more to it, but that’s the general concept.

Basically, this concept of comfort and relaxation leading to healing is pretty ingrained in me.

I’ve seen the application of this principle work time and time again with my clients.

It feels like magic when, as I meet their pain and tension (whether physical or emotional) with comfort and relaxation, their pain melts away.

And, naturally, I’ve extended this concept into my daily life.

If I’m hurting in some way, what can I do to bring in more comfort?

If my low back is hurting, for example, does altering the way I’m sitting relieve the pressure? Would a walk help? Perhaps it’s time to do some self-care or get some bodywork.

If I’m in a place of emotional distress, what might usher in more of a sense of comfort, relaxation and wellbeing? Talking with a wise friend? Writing? Movement, perhaps? Owl Eyes?

In short, Ortho-Bionomy has taught me a lot about how to find comfort (and how to relax) when I’m in pain.

Further, I’ve come to understand that tension and pain are simply messengers.

Messengers that show me exactly where I’m out of alignment in my body and in my life.

Which is exactly what I was discovering in my Xin Yi class.

My shaking quads, my burning shoulders, the intense torquing sensation at the base of my head, the sensation of my low back being pulled apart – all showing me exactly where the muscles were holding in my body.

Showing me exactly where my structure (my bones and joints) were out of alignment with gravity.

Showing me the parts of my body that were unable to relax, unable to let go, unable to trust my bones to hold me up.

That’s where the suffering comes in.

I was suffering (shaking, burning, sweating) because my muscles were working so hard to keep me in this rather awkward position.

I didn’t know how to relax those muscles and allow the bones of my body to support me.

I wasn’t the only one with trembling, shaking legs and arms.

Harry acknowledged our struggle. He said it was normal for it to feel really difficult at first. That it was normal for us to be trying to use our muscles to keep our bodies in the correct stance.

He said that the most important thing was to just keep focusing on relaxing and sinking into our front foot while simultaneously extending both out the heel of our back foot and out the top of our heads.

“The more you relax and trust your structure, the less suffering you will have to endure and the easier and more natural this stance will become.

Eventually, your muscles will let go and your bones will entirely support you.

Until then, practice Relaxed Suffering.

If you are going to suffer, you might as well relax while you are doing it.”

Practice Relaxed Suffering.

I wonder what might happen if:

  • we didn’t try to resist pain so much,
  • we were able to accept that pain is simply (sometimes) a part of living a full, engaged life,
  • we were able to go ahead and relax into the pain.

I think it is really easy to get into a place where resisting pain ends up simply creating additional suffering.

I see this pattern in myself a lot – wanting certain things to be different than they are.

For instance, I have lost days and days to headaches.

Many of those days were spent being super angry (and/or super depressed) over having a headache.

The anger and depression didn’t help the situation at all. Instead, they added layers and layers of additional suffering and made the headache worse.

On the days when I’ve been able to say ‘hey, I have a headache and that’s just where I am for today,” and relax a bit, my suffering has been much less.

And, interestingly, those have been the days when I’ve been able to learn more about myself and the things that actually help me get through the day with more ease.

Today, I’m starting Week 2 of my 40-Day Challenge.

My overall theme for the 40 days is Relaxation. To practice the Art of Relaxation when I’m:

  • in my Xin Yi class (now, it’s about relaxing more versus just relaxing),
  • learning something new - like a new Shiva Nata pattern,
  • feeling anxious about something – can relaxation hold and cradle the ball of anxiety I feel? Is it possible for the quality of relaxation to transform anxiety into a state of enhanced wellbeing? I’m going to find out!
  • in the middle of some conflict with my partner (or anyone). How might relaxing shift how I respond to conflict?
  • stuck or unsure of what I want or need.

In short, how might relaxing while I’m in some situation that normally causes suffering or pain shift my experience and thus my response? That is the question I am asking myself.

And, that is my question for you as well.

Comment Magic:

As always, your comments and thoughts are welcome. :)

10 Comments Filed Under: Headaches, Ortho-Bionomy

My Ortho-Bionomy Story

January 25, 2011 By 8 Comments

I’ve been thinking I’d like to speak more directly about Ortho-Bionomy here. It’s the foundation for all the work I do with clients and students. More than that, Ortho-Bionomy is how I live my life.

Ortho-Bionomy, see, isn’t just about relieving pain and building self-awareness.

Steeped in principles originating in ancient yogic traditions, Ortho-Bionomy inspires a world view where the focus is on

  • kindness,
  • respect,
  • being in right relationship,
  • trusting the wisdom of the body, and
  • finding comfort and ease in difficult situations.

Today, I want to share with you an essay I wrote back in 2007 when I was finally completing the application process to become a registered practitioner of Ortho-Bionomy. It details a bit of my journey up to that point.

First, though, you need to know that the tagline for Ortho-Bionomy is this: the evolution of the original concept. I know, What?!?

Now, allow me to introduce Larisa from 4 years ago. She writes:

When I first heard the phrase evolution of the original concept, I was totally baffled. Just what was this ‘original concept’ and just how did it evolve?

As I continued my study of Ortho-Bionomy, I heard numerous explanations of this phrase generally in reference to the actual work of Ortho-Bionomy and how it continues to develop and evolve over time.

What I’ve come to understand on a very personal level, however, is that the original concept is me. It is me that evolves through doing and attempting to live Ortho-Bionomy.

And as I evolve, my work evolves as well.

Ah, the mental understandings – there were many!

For the first four years my relationship to Ortho-Bionomy was very mental. I loved the principles. I loved talking about them and sharing the work with others.

But, it was nearly all from a very logical place within me. There was little actual embodiment of the work.

Thankfully, evolution IS inherent in Ortho-Bionomy even for those so reliant on intellect to distance them from their bodies and emotions.

In which a dramatic event occurs…

In order to break through from the safety of mental processing to a place more centered in heartfulness and self-awareness, sometimes a dramatic event must take place.

At least for me it did. For me, it took a literal hit to the head.

Last Fall (2006) I was in the ninth year of a very stable, comfortable and fun relationship. In September, I fainted after a run, fell off the retaining wall upon which I was sitting and landed on my head.

I spent three days wondering if I was going to die from subdural bleeding, being afraid to sleep and, in general, in a total state of terror and shakiness.

Additionally, I began to question my relationship in earnest.

We weren’t married; he had great health insurance; I had none. If we were married, I could have went to the emergency room.

More than that, he was fully prepared to marry me. What was keeping me from making a similar commitment?

Obviously, something wasn’t working. My mind told me that staying in the relationship was the safe and logical thing to do. My heart argued otherwise.

In which my heart speaks.

Eight days after The Fall, I attended a residential (a week-long Ortho-Bionomy training). There, the focus was working with the internal organs and noticing any associated patterns (emotions, memories, trauma, etc).

I requested to be the person on the table for the heart demonstration because I had been experiencing heart palpitations and arrhythmia constantly since The Fall.

On the table, I had one of those core experiences that seem inherent to Ortho-Bionomy.

I saw how the person I was being was so different from the person I thought I was.

I felt how disconnected I had become from my heart, from my wellbeing and sense of self. I was devastated…and ecstatic.

Five days later…

Five days after the residential, I ended my long-term relationship and entered a period of intense unraveling which continues still.

I have never been as emotional, as chaotic, or as uncomfortable as I have been over the past 10 months.

I know that sounds very un-Ortho-Bionomic as one of the principles is ‘comfort.’

However, on what level do I want to experience comfort?

As Ortho-Bionomy instructor Bettina Seidl asks, ‘On what level do you want to be comfortable?’

Prior to the residential, I was comfortable, but it was a stagnant, unmoving comfort.

Now, my comfort comes from allowing myself to feel again and acknowledging and holding myself while in the midst of terrifying fears and insecurities.

Although it may be overwhelming at times, it is worth it because there are moments when I again have that sense of rightness, that sense of a more authentic self emerging.

And, I have Ortho-Bionomy to thank for it; both for breaking me open and for giving me the tools, the basic principles, and the mentors to help me find my way back to my Self, to find my way home.

Back to the Evolution of the Original Concept:

Now, when working with clients, it is no longer my intellect that guides the session.

As I learn to be present with and trust the sensations and flow of energy within my own body, I am able to let go and trust more and more in the inherent self-corrective abilities of my clients as well.

This breaking through to a more real experience of myself has opened me to a greater embodiment of the work.

My original concept of myself has evolved. My original concept and understanding of Ortho-Bionomy has evolved.

I have evolved.

Ok, back to present day…

Thankfully, this evolution (of both myself and my work) has continued without fail over the four years since the writing of this essay.

I no longer fear a comfort based in stagnation because I know that if I am living the principles of Ortho-Bionomy, evolution is inherent. The original concept must continue to evolve.

Comment Magic:

Thoughts? Hello’s? A story you’d like to share about your own evolution (or something similar)? I love hearing from you!

8 Comments Filed Under: Ortho-Bionomy

Patterns, Patterns Everywhere: The Ortho-Bionomy – Shiva Nata Connection

September 25, 2010 By 5 Comments

Havi Brooks once described a pattern as “That thing you do that you hate.” I love that description.

And, there’s more to it. Patterns aren’t just the things you do that you hate, they are everything you do. And, everything you think and feel as well.

For instance:

  • how you crack an egg.
  • how you react when someone says or does something you perceive as wrong or threatening or mean.
  • the feeling you get when you watch a beautiful sunset.
  • how often you check your email.
  • how you take your coffee.
  • who you are attracted to – romantically and otherwise.
  • how your mind spins and spins, replaying the same conversation or thought over and over and over.

The Ortho-Bionomy connection.

Ortho-Bionomy is the foundation for all the work I do with clients – for how I live my life, actually.

It combines practical, osteopathic-based, body-centered techniques and esoteric, energetic-awareness-y, mind-blowingly-great yoga-inspired philosophy.

Simply put, the point is to get you deeply connected to you body so that you:

a) have access to all of your internal resources, healing potential, and deep wisdom; and

b) gain awareness and insight into your patterns – both the patterns of physical pain and tension in your body and the patterns in your life that aren’t effective or serving.

What I love about patterns.

1) They are everywhere! And, everything is a pattern.

2) They are mostly unconscious. Yes, I love this about them.

You don’t, for instance, think about how you crack an egg. You just crack the egg.

3) Once you become aware of a pattern, you have options. When you notice you tend to crack the egg in a particular manner, other options abound. You can play!

Perhaps you’ll drop the egg from the ceiling. Perhaps you’ll crack it on its side instead of on the end. Or, whatever… there are endless ways to crack an egg once you become aware that you usually crack it in only one way.

4) Patterns are neither good nor bad. The effects of our patterns on our lives, however, may or may not be beneficial.

Once we become aware of a particular pattern, we can decide whether or not it is a pattern that enhances our lives. If not, we can begin to play with ways to alter or shift the pattern. Like Ortho-Binomy. Or writing. Or meditation. Or…

Shiva Nata!

If Ortho-Bionomy kindled my obsession with patterns, Shiva Nata blasted it to high heaven.

What is it? In brief, it is a yoga-martial-arts-dance-ish thing that is all about patterns.

More specifically, you use your arms and legs to connect points in space in a pre-determined pattern.

Sometimes, it looks beautiful and graceful. More often, it looks like mad flailing. Or, as my boyfriend refers to it: Crazy Monkey Dancing.

I know, that probably makes no sense. That’s alright. Hang in there. It’s both simpler and harder than it sounds. ;)

First, here’s what it does:

1) Directly shows you your patterns. Whatever happens as you are Shiva-ing-it-up is a pattern. Want to give up? Pattern. Get really angry and frustrated? Pattern. Just keep trying and trying and trying? Pattern. Collapse? Pattern. Laugh hysterically? Pattern.

2) Also, Shiva Nata indirectly shows you your patterns. Through using your body to connect dots in space in a particular pattern, your brain is put through a crazy, mind-melting workout. New neurological connections are formed which means… you suddenly have access to new perspectives and insights into yourself.

In short, you now have the option to crack the egg any which way you want.

You are no longer stuck doing the same perhaps-not-so-effective thing over and over and over.

3) Gives us a way to mindfully interact with our stuff (our patterns). We are no longer victims of the whims of our patterns. We now have a concrete, physical way with which to interact with them.

Shiva Nata teaches us how to play with patterns. How to alter them at will. How to bend them, shift them, create and destroy them; how to be creative and silly (or serious and focused if our typical pattern is to be silly).

And now, my favorite thing about Shiva Nata:

Only through doing it wrong, do you get it right.

Read that sentence again, will you?

Yes, Shiva Nata is the only practice I’m aware of where the goal is to do it badly, to not perfect it, to always be at your edge. Not at your barely growing edge where you are simply polishing your mad skills, however.

Rather, you want to be waay beyond that edge… out in the abyss. Flailing madly, completely confused and loving it. Or not, that’s ok too.

You see, the insights and epiphanies are the result of your brain making new connections through your body attempting to follow these increasingly complicated patterns in space.

If you aren’t utterly confused, you aren’t challenging your brain and you won’t gain new insights into yourself and your patterns.

In which I badly paraphrase Guy Finley.

Guy Finley recently said (and I paraphrase):

“We are always doing the best we can according to whatever knowledge we currently have.

It is our responsibility to keep learning more so that our best keeps getting better (more effective, more loving, more intentional, coming from a greater sense of wholeness, etc).”

Ortho-Bionomy and Shiva Nata both give us access to new knowledge… knowledge of the most effective kind – the kind that comes from deep within us and that is perfectly suited to our particular situations and patterns.

For more Ortho-Bionomy and Shiva Nata goodness…

Visit my Events Page for a list of upcoming workshops and class series. :)

5 Comments Filed Under: Ortho-Bionomy, Shiva Nata

Four Things I’ve Learned from Richard

May 25, 2010 By 5 Comments

Richard? Richard who?

Richard Valasek, RN, one of the original instructors of Ortho-Bionomy and the primary facilitator of this summer’s workshop.

I took my first workshop with Richard in New York City in the cold, wintry spring of 2005. In the small yoga studio where the workshop was held, he dominated the room, both physically and energetically. Not in an overbearing sort of way but in a magnetic, make you want to hang onto every word he said, kind of way.

He spun magical tales, punctuated with the occasional curse word, of war veterans recovering from extreme Post Traumatic Stress Disorder at the Tripler Army Medical Center where he uses Ortho-Bionomy in his job as a Pysch nurse.

He imparted sordid details about the beginnings of Ortho-Bionomy, shared details of how living the art of Ortho-Bionomy has impacted his life and demonstrated practical application after practical application of esoteric concepts.

He somehow brought together the science of networks, cutting edge psychological research, string theory, and systems theory in a brilliant weave of conceptual explanation and hands-on application of Ortho-Bionomy principles.

I sat in class, jaw slack, and just drank it all in. And, well, I’ve been hooked on Richard ever since.

Naturally, with the early bird discount deadline approaching this Friday, I’ve been thinking a lot about him.

Specifically, I’ve been thinking about the things that I began to truly embody thanks to his unique way of presenting, practicing and living the art of Ortho-Bionomy.

In honor of him, I want to share with you 4 small concepts (with huge rippling effects) that have changed the way I view and participate in the world … in the hopes that one of them will land softly in your heart and begin to work it’s magic in how you view your world.

1)    Everything really *is* about me (or you).

Richard is big into systems theory – which is an approach to self-care and healing that is dependent upon the therapist’s ability to maintain a non-anxious presence and to modulate his or her own internal reactions.

Richard, however, doesn’t teach systems theory as some theoretical framework within a psychological setting.

Rather, he presents it as a dynamic, living thing that *anyone* (you, me, anyone!) can use to re-gain calm and clarity when distressed.

Further, he demonstrates how to consciously change your position within a system for the enhanced wellbeing of everyone and everything involved.

Through consciously changing our position (either externally or internally) to whatever is distressing us, we change our experience.

Imagine being an absolute basket case of emotions and heartache one moment and totally snapped out of it the next. Or, at least, being in a place where you have access to your internal sense of calm and can witness the emotions versus being overwhelmed by them. It’s possible!

And, it feels like magic. Systematic, understandable, and though his simple exercises, easily applicable magic.

2)    It doesn’t matter whether or not you believe in the method being used. If it works, use it.

There are some pretty crazy techniques out there for helping people resolve pain, heal old wounds, and nurture a deeper connection with themselves. Whether or not I, as a practitioner, believe in the method matters not at all. If it works for my client (or myself!), I’ll use it.

More than anything, perhaps, this concept allows me to get out of the way of my own standards and beliefs about how healing and self-care ‘should’ work. If what I have to offer doesn’t work for you, let’s find something else that does.

3)    Healing arises through re-finding right relationship.

Right relationship, in the words of Richard, is defined as “that relationship that allows the maximum degree of well-being and freedom for the individual wihtout putting at risk the larger system.”

The thing that is causing us distress (natural disaster, family problems, physical or emotional pain…) is far less important than where we are in relationship to that thing.

In order to re-find right relationship, however, we first need some space between ourselves and our reactions. We need some breathing room where we can begin to witness the problem or pain or emotion and find that sense of internal calm and wellbeing in relation to the issue.

One of the tools I teach for accessing this sense of space is Owl Eyes. Richard has many, many more. All simple, all things that work.

4)    Ortho-Bionomy (training) is for everyone.

This concept has been on my mind since receiving an email last week (from a massage therapist) asking whether the upcoming workshop is for massage therapists or for the general public.

Somewhere along the way it seems Ortho-Bionomy training became the domain of those of us in the alternative-care industry. And, there seems to be a sense of possessiveness around the method.

While I may not gain the popularity of fellow alternative care providers, I emphatically state:

Ortho-Bionomy IS for everyone. *Especially* the general public.

The founder of Ortho-Bionomy, Arthor Lincoln Pauls, DO, envisioned Ortho-Bionomy as a system of self (and other) care that would be accessible to anyone who wanted simple, reliable techniques for helping themselves and their families.

This is the spirit of Ortho-Bionomy that Richard espouses and that I intend to carry on through my work.

An invitation:

With all of this in mind, I invite you to join Richard and myself this summer for a self (and other) care workshop. Click here for all the details.

5 Comments Filed Under: Ortho-Bionomy, Right Relationship, Self-Care

Grayness, Preferences, Making Decisions… Color!

January 12, 2010 By 3 Comments

It’s January. It’s gray. It’s dreary.

Is your mood reflecting the weather? Do you feel gloomy, lost, confused, unfocused? Are you having a hard time making decisions or knowing what really matters to you?

If so, you are in the right place.

Let’s start with a story.

Just prior to the holidays, I had so much energy and enthusiasm. I knew what I wanted, where I was going and how I was getting there.

As 2009 ended and 2010 began, I found myself feeling gray. Just gray. A grayness that clogged my head, swirled around my body, and smothered any excitement or happiness I may have normally felt.

I had no sense of myself, of what was important to me, or of what I wanted. Even very small decisions were completely unmanageable. Discussions with my boyfriend went like this:

Boyfriend: So, you hungry?

Me: Dunno.

Boyfriend: Well, I’m hungry. What do you want to eat?

Me: Dunno.

Boyfriend: How about (something or another that I wouldn’t even really hear).

Me: Sure.

Man, life was exciting. (Please note the sarcasm).

A small part of me knew there were all these things that I wanted, even needed, to be doing. The larger part was having nothing to do with it.

Actually, that gives the grayness too much personality. Let’s try again: the larger part (the grayness) just said, nothing. Blah. Ugh. Nothing.

So, there I remained, steeped in grayness.

Until…one day, after yet another conversation where I had absolutely no opinion, it dawned on me.

I really didn’t know what I wanted. I had completely lost touch with one of the things that gives my life color.

What was that thing?

My preferences.

What is a preference? You ask. Well, let me tell you.

In Ortho-Bionomy-speak, a preference is that which feels more comfortable out of two options.

For instance, if you were on my table with hip pain, I might rotate your thigh first internally and then externally. I would ask you which rotation felt more comfortable.

In this example, comfort would be indicated by an increased sense of relaxation, or a decreased sense of pain and/or tension in the hip.

Basically, I would help you recognize and choose comfort in your body; I would help you recognize your preferred position.

[Preferred Position: more Ortho-speak simply meaning the position in which the body is the most comfortable.]

When our bodies are properly aligned, when we have nourishing relationships and supportive self-care systems in place, it’s easy to know what feels good and to have preferences.

However, things happen that disconnect us from our preferences.

Back to my story for a bit. My grayness indicated a disconnection from my preferences, from my sense of comfort, from my Self.

This disconnect can happen in innumerable ways:  physical trauma, emotional distress, the weather, or even just repeatedly doing a job you don’t like.

What serves to disconnect varies from person to person.

For me, the disconnect  this time stemmed from spending five days in a situation where everything was superficially pleasant but teaming with tension and anxieties underneath.

This situation wouldn’t be a big deal for many people. Yeah, it may be unpleasant but it’s not going to totally spin them off into this world of preference-less grayness.

For me, however, this situation triggered all sorts of icky, unresolved, childhood stuff.

Stuff around being told that what I was feeling (tense, anxious) was wrong, and that everything was fine (when it wasn’t).

Stuff around being told repeatedly to ‘smile and fake it’ so others would like me and I wouldn’t be made fun of as a little girl.

From these childhood experiences, I learned two things:

  1. I couldn’t trust what I felt because it was wrong according to those older and therefore wiser than me.
  2. I couldn’t trust what others said either. I knew this because what I said or showed the world was often very different from what I truly felt.

These learnings basically left me very confused and distrustful as a child. I didn’t know who or what to believe. I didn’t trust those around me. I didn’t trust myself.

In short, being subjected to a very similar environment as an adult to the one I was in as a child spun me back into that place of distrust, confusion and not knowing.

Into grayness.

Into the Land of No Preferences.

Which can be a pretty scary place.

So, how can you ascend from the grayness of no preferences into the color of knowing what feels right to you?

Well, that’s where we’re going now. I have a few thoughts.

  1. Start small. Ask yourself a small, rather meaningless question. Do I like this or this?
  2. If possible, make the question something you can feel in your body. For example, do I want to lie down or sit right now? Try it. Sit in a chair and notice how your body feels. Then, lie down on a bed or on the floor. How does that feel? Which option feels more relaxing in your body? 
  3. Give yourself two options ONLY at a time. Do I want a bath or a shower? Again, put yourself in both situations (this time in your imagination). Which option feels more relaxing and nourishing?
  4. Refine your choice. For instance, if you decided lying down is your preference, you could further refine your choice through asking: Do I want my knees supported or do I like lying flat? Again, try both and find out.

How preferences bring you back to YOU.

As you rediscover your preferences using relaxation and comfort in your body as your guide, you begin to reconnect with yourself. And then, decisions become easier to make.

You are able to use that sense of comfort in your body to make whatever decision you may be facing… from what to eat for dinner to what your next step is in your work or in your life.

Preferences! I gots ‘em! Lots of them!

Having preferences, knowing and being able to choose what makes you feel relaxed, strong, and resilient is awesome. Decisions become easier, conversations more interesting, life more engaging.

With preferences back in your life, the grayness will be washed away and your life will once again be filled with color.

And that, I think, is something worth celebrating even on the grayest of days!

3 Comments Filed Under: Ortho-Bionomy, Self-Care

The Phases of Ortho-Bionomy: Bringing You Home

December 31, 2009 By 4 Comments

The Phases (or Moods) of Ortho-Bionomy are the key to the depth and healing potential of this work. However, I’ve yet to read a really clear, fairly concise explanation of what they are or how they feel.

So, here’s my experiential explanation of the phases from two perspectives: both as a practitioner of this system and as a person who has had the good fortune to receive a whole lot of it as a client.

Phase 4 – Yes, the phases start at 4; there are explanations ‘why’, all boring, so I’m skipping them:

What is it? Osteopathic-based techniques; mostly positional release. Positioning the body in a way that relieves pain and allows tight muscles to relax and release.

No forceful or abrupt movements are used. All movements are performed within the comfort range of the client. If something resists being moved in a particular way (or the movement causes pain or increased tension), we don’t move it that way! It’s that simple. And, it is completely counter to most other approaches.

How does it feel? The movements are gentle and are away from pain and towards comfort. There is a lot of checking in which leads to a sense of safety and confidence that whatever is hurting won’t be further hurt or injured. The feeling (mood) is crisp, clear, grounded, and very present.

Phase 5 – The dance:

What is it? The practitioner initiates a small movement and then lets the client’s body unwind on its own. The practitioner, for the most part, gets out of the way and supports the client’s body in making whatever movement it wants to make. Phase 5 is client directed although the client most often isn’t aware that they are the one leading.

How does it feel? The mood is rather floaty and dreamy. I think of this Phase as drifting off to Lala-Land. It’s very pleasant and refreshing. Imagine taking a nap on soft moss, under a giant tree, by a gurgling brook on a summer day. This is Phase 5.

Phase 6: Where things begin to get wacky.

What is it? Phase 6 is the energetic aspect of Ortho-Bionomy and how this looks/feels varies greatly from practitioner to practitioner depending on their particular gifts and skill level. In general, the point isn’t to move, remove or direct energy anywhere. Rather, the focus is to deepen awareness of what is happening on an energetic level and to then allow the inherent wisdom of the client’s body direct what happens next.

How it feels varies greatly. For the most part this phase feels soft, comforting and super soothing. Sometimes there is a rise and fall in intensity, a sense of something coming forward (perhaps a physical discomfort becoming momentarily more intense or maybe an emotion welling up briefly). A gradual softening, a letting go, and an enhanced sense of wellbeing generally follow these more intense sensations.

Phase 7: The really weird stuff.

What is it? Originally, Phase 7 was distance work. You know, quantum physics, “a butterfly beats its wings….” Stuff like that. And yes, it works. I’ve worked successfully with headaches, heartaches, you name it, from a distance and, reliably, the client responds favorably.

There is another way, my preferred way, to think about Phase 7 – where being in Phase 7 becomes synonymous with being in right relationship.

For me, as a practitioner, this means Phase 7 is about monitoring myself. What is coming up in me in relation to the client I’m working with? What do I feel or notice in myself in relation to their pain, or to whatever story they are presenting? It’s the work I do within myself while working with the client.

It’s this monitoring of myself and constantly re-finding right relationship (that sense of ease and comfort within myself in relation to whatever is going on with the client) that actually makes it possible for anything to shift or change within a session. This I believe, anyway.

How does Phase 7 feel for the client? Well, when I, as the practitioner, am in right relationship (Phase 7), the client feels seen, heard, fully accepted and absolutely safe. The client is able to relax fully into the moment and into their bodies. The client is able to begin to become more present with themselves and with whatever it is in their bodies or their lives that is causing pain or distress. The client begins to find right relationship with his/herself.

The end result???

In reality, the phases co-exist simultaneously throughout the session and, in the end, the client re-discovers him/herself.

The client finding right relationship with his/herself is what makes Ortho-Bionomy so wondrous to me. I absolutely love watching clients come home to themselves time after time. And then, watching their lives change as a result.

And, from the perspective of a client, this coming home to myself is the best part of Ortho-Bionomy.

Yeah, I love that I feel more relaxed and that the painful parts of my body feel better. But, the real juice and the feeling that keeps me going back is how deeply connected I feel to myself after a session. And how, slowly, over time, I’m learning to stay connected to myself in my day to day life.

There really is no better feeling than that.

Want a more basic introduction to Ortho-Bionomy? Click here.

4 Comments Filed Under: Ortho-Bionomy, Right Relationship

A Brief Introduction to this Thing Called Ortho-Bionomy

October 25, 2009 By Leave a Comment

You’ve often heard, I’ll bet, that all healing comes from within and that your body knows exactly how to heal itself.

But, have you ever experienced bodywork where the primary focus is to assist you in reconnecting with your own innate ability to heal? No? Well, meet Ortho-Bionomy®!

History of Ortho-Bionomy:

Arthur Lincoln Pauls, British Osteopath and Judo Master, developed this gentle, non-invasive system of bodywork and self-work in the 1970s.

Dr. Paul’s training in osteopathy combined with his interest in Eastern thinking and martial arts led to the development of a truly unique approach to healing.

The techniques come from osteopathy and are geared towards helping the client find optimal structural alignment in order to reduce pain and tension. The principles behind the work originate in Eastern practices of mindfulness, respect, and acceptance and dictate how the techniques are used.

Ortho-Bionomy in real life:

Jean has been struggling with upper back pain and tension coupled with overwhelming anxiety for years. She has tried chiropractic, massage, acupuncture, you name it. Nothing has provided lasting relief. Working together, with her lying on her back on a massage table, we find a position (shrugging her shoulders up with my support and compressing through one shoulder towards her spine), that relieves the tension and allows the muscles to relax.

After a few moments, she takes a deep breath, her shoulders release some of their tension on their own and she experiences a deeper sense of relaxation and relief. We continue working together, identifying areas of soreness, tension or pain and then holding positions that allows that area to relax and let go. At the end of the session, Jean feels connected to her body on a very deep level and profoundly calm and relaxed.

In this example, there was no forcing her body to change, no trying (on my part as the therapist) to fix her or make her body be other than it was. Instead, there was working together to find comfort, an inherent respect for the body and the way it was holding itself, and a mindful engagement between Jean and myself.

In short, Ortho-Bionomy:

  • Merges Western Osteopathic techniques and Eastern philosophy. The best of two worlds come together to create a system with solid, practical techniques and grounded, energetic awareness.
  • Is gentle. You won’t have to tense up and guard against the treatment. There is no need to experience more pain in order to relieve pain.
  • Meets you where you are — if something hurts or is too intense (physically, emotionally, however), we’ll find a way to work with it that feels safe and comfortable; if you are scared and worried, we will address that first.
  • Gives you a new framework for pain. As you pay more attention to what your body is telling you through pain, you will learn how to interact gently and kindly with those areas that hurt.
  • Educates you and your body. The more we mindfully and gently interact with your pain or conflict through your body, the quicker your body will respond and the faster the pain or conflict will be resolved.
  • Supports both physical and emotional pain. Yes, emotions may come up. Just think about all the frustration, anger, sadness and overwhelm you have experienced through being in pain. Ortho-Bionomy helps you deal with all these feelings in a way that is supportive and nurturing and makes it safe and ok for you to have them.
  • Lets you keep your clothes on. You are already vulnerable due to pain or tension. There is no need to add the extra vulnerability of removing your clothes (as in massage therapy) for a session.

Interested in knowing a bit more? Like maybe, for instance, something about how Ortho-Bionomy feels? Well, click here!

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